Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I've been tired and out of sorts for several weeks now . . . just not feeling normal, which must be an oxymoron for a person diagnosed with clinical depression. No doubt the sudden death of my mother-in-law has exacerbated my mood. The heat and humidity don't help either. I also think part of my problem may be the aftermath of a visit to my parents' home in Virginia.

I enjoy visiting but the environment down there is just too depressing. The auto-crazy, mall-centric life seems so sterile now. Having been away from the land of sprawl for ten years, I can now see why critics have so thoroughly discounted suburbia as a suitable living arrangement for most humans. Moreover, the degree to which I encountered people so conservative and provincial in their outlook, as well as so out of touch with the nation's beleaguered state, is bewildering. And this doesn't even begin to address how wasteful our society has become in its attempts to maintain that "American Dream." Neither fully urban nor entirely rural, the decentralized life of exurbia also precipitates a depressive state borne of mobility issues, status anxiety, and isolation. If I had to live that way for very long, I'd shrivel up and waste away, which is essentially what my parents are doing. In the city I usually feel challenged, jostled, awake. But even that hasn't been enough of late.

Do I turn back to meds to stabilize the moods? Change my diet (unhealthy at best right now)? Exercise more? Vitamins? Sleep more? Sleep less? My preschool photo, above, pretty much sums it up. I was obviously scared and unhappy when the photo was taken in 1968.

1 comment:

One Wink at a Time said...

Sorry I've found this post so late. I hope you're feeling better. I'm guessing that the death of your MIL coupled with seeing your parents as you are has put you in the state of mind that you are. It certainly would have that effect on me.
Embrace that childhood Brian. I want to hug him and make him smile so bad, it hurts.